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Bonding with a baby can be quite hard to do when you’ve never seen them before- even for mums carrying their baby. For some it’s easier- for others it takes some work and being really thoughtful about what’s happening inside of you (or in Soph’s case, inside of her surrogate aka me!). Being proactive earlier on can really help this process so it doesn’t feel like lots of hard work at the end that all feels a bit odd. We’ve put some things in place that Soph will tell you about- but they’re all relevant for straight forward pregnancies too.
Becoming parents is probably the biggest life change someone will ever go through, so prepping yourself and doing some enjoyable things to help you all with that transition is never going to be a bad thing 🖤
S: Before we decided to take Em up on her offer of carrying our baby there was obviously a long process of consideration involved. A big part of this for me was whether I’d be able to bond with my baby when I hadn’t carried him, felt him move or given birth to him. Of course I wanted all of the above more than anything but we had tried everything we possibly could and actually after the second ectopic I knew surrogacy was our best option for our own genetic baby. I just wanted a baby whatever it took.
I know how important it therefore is for Jack and I to do whatever we can to bond pre and post baby being here so here’s a number of things we are putting into place after lots of research and advice from people. They may not be right for everyone but they seem right for us and our situation.
Am I still scared that even after all the bonding preparation I might feel like he isn’t mine because I didn’t carry him? Or that he won’t like or know me? Without a doubt I’m shitting myself!!! But I also imagine this is how every father must feel as they don’t carry their child and still have the most amazing bond once the baby is here. Also not every mum who carries experiences this bond during pregnancy. So when I get scared I remind myself of this…
A zillion injections, 5 egg retrieval’s, 4 transfers, a whole lot of miscarriage prevention medication, a whole lot of miscarriages, double ectopics, and prior to even all of that, years of trying naturally (not the worst thing in the world for a while then you start to see it more as a job rather than having fun!) and that one little embryo just needed a safer place to grow and luckily for us our bestie offered to help. The last painful 6 years I guess are my version of a kind of labour! I can’t imagine going through much more pain than we have and it’s made us resilient. WE MADE HIM. We absolutely made him and we are ready for him and whatever that brings with it.
Here we share how the APPG Birth Trauma report (under the section 'What does 'good' look like in maternity?') outlines an illegal recommendation around the topic of consent, and how Emma Ashworth and others are campaigning to update the report.
Pride month is the perfect opportunity to celebrate the evolving concept of parenthood and the various ways families can now be created!
We answer what OASI is and why is the fourth recommendation in the Birth Trauma Inquiry report is so concerning.