Surrogacy

Part 12: HALFWAY!

It was around the 19 week mark that I started wondering when Em would feel him moving. I didn’t want to ask constantly as I knew she would tell me when she did feel anything but I was kind of...

Emiliana Hall

S: The following few days it really did start to sink in that we were going to have a son.

Boys clothes and room ideas became my obsession and I mean obsession! I kept saying after being repressed for 6 years a beast had been unleashed! I had said to Em I wonder if she had two girls instead of a boy and a girl how she would have felt carrying our boy and I really do believe it’s fate that she had one of each to make this process less complex.E: I hadn’t really thought about this aspect before- about the gender making a difference to how I might have felt. I guess yes, being honest, maybe having a boy for S&J and not having one of my own might have brought up feelings of ‘what if’…. but I know it would never have made me feel sad or envious.

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S: I loved going over to see my 87 year old grandparents who I’m very close to and telling them it was a boy. My grandma has dementia so It was even more special telling her even if she couldn’t remember there was a baby coming in the first place.

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I’ve always said I wouldn’t feel comfortable attending NCT as would feel like a fraud not being pregnant but I suddenly had the urge to book something that normal pregnant women experience so booked us a place starting in January. Of course I’ll be dragging J along who is adamant we shouldn’t go but I think it’ll be a good experience for us to meet people and prepare ourselves!

E: Everyone has mixed feelings about NCT. Personally, the girls I met on my course have been an emotional lifeline to me in so many ways over the last 4 years (Big shout out to them as I know they read this blog and are always checking in on me to see if I’m ok in this whole process!). So I felt like S&J had nothing to lose. If there had been parents on my course having a baby via a surrogate, I would have just wanted to make everything as normal for them as possible!

S: It was around the 19 week mark that I started wondering when Em would feel him moving. I didn’t want to ask constantly as I knew she would tell me when she did feel anything but I was kind of hoping she would soon for that bit of reassurance.

E: I did have to reassure Soph that I didn’t feel too much with my two until at least 20 weeks- maybe more, but I knew that she (of course!) wanted me to report that I had felt something. I think we’ve got to the stage where Soph is feeling normal pregnancy anxieties. If she was carrying this baby herself, she’d be feeling the same emotions about the milestones I’m sure. Probably even more! So I don’t try and bring her out of those thoughts- I think they’re rational thoughts, it’s all about perspective about what’s perfectly normal and when something is actually wrong. One of the ups and downs of growing a baby and she’s very much in that journey too!

S: The 20 week scan was going to be pretty special as we were taking both mums along and hoped they’d be allowed into the room! When we got there the sonographer said they could come at the end once she’d taken all the measurements she needed. As soon as she said ‘’ There’s the heartbeat’’ I relaxed!

E: I still feel super privileged to be in the room at these scans (I know that sounds stupid as I kind of have to be!!) but it’s not often you get to share those special moments with your best friends, and then with the grandmas too.

S: Baby was upside down (like he was at the 12 week scan) so we had to go for a walk for 10 minutes and Em did some jigging. As the sonographer pointed things out on the scan I kept thinking I just can’t see what it is! Just like Rachel in friends!

E: JUST like Rachel in Friends!!

S: Right at the end she finally zoomed out and it was only then that he looked like a proper baby again. He started yawning and had obviously got bored of being prodded! Em had also felt him move during the scan which was pretty cool.

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It was lovely that both mums were able to come in and see baby at the scan. A special moment for them to enjoy.

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A couple of days later we got a message from Em saying baby was wriggling while she was watching I’m a celeb. I’m taking this as a sign that he loves Australia as much as we do already!

E: Finally some proper movements to report back to mummy and daddy! It was the first night I’d sat down in front of the TV for months, and yes, I’m a Celeb is a sure sign we’re all going on holiday to Australia as soon as we can ha!

S: Another tick off our to do list was a hospital tour. Although normally this would be done in third trimester because of our situation and needing to see a consultant regarding the c section we needed to do this earlier on. We were registered to Watford hospital but decided that due to em moving we would go and visit Stoke Mandeville. Also both my ectopic surgeries were at Watford and although I couldn’t fault their care for me, It still brought back a few sad memories.

E: In my hypnobirthing classes I always always recommend parents go on a tour of their hospital even if planning a home birth (or especially if planning a home birth!) as knowledge is power and the unknown is scary. The last thing I wanted anyone to be in our situation was scared- especially me! My parting gift to baby Smith will be for him to have the calmest, most tranquil transition to meeting his mummy and daddy (whatever may happen on the day) and by seeing the hospital with Soph I felt really happy that we are all doing the right thing by opting for a caesarean birth.

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S: The hospital tour was really interesting. All men and women together except me and Em and a mother and daughter duo. I’ve never been on a labour ward except for one time I took my friend to triage because she thought her waters had broken. We actually then realised that the tour guide was going to be our nct teacher in January so was nice to meet her.

The moment that felt quite surreal was when we saw the corridor where the c sections happen and I could picture my family already with their noses pressed up against the glass! Then Em whispered ‘That’s where you’ll first meet him!’ (ggggaaaahhhhhhh).

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Up next

Part 13: Bonding with Baby Smith

Bonding with a baby can be quite hard to do when you’ve never seen them before- even for mums carrying their baby.

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